sensitive

"wag mo akong ginaganyan... sensitive ako ngayon!"

minsan sinabi ito ng kaibigan ko sa gitna ng kulitan naming magkakaibigan. tinawanan ko lang at mas nangulit pa. umabot pa sa situation na umiiyak na sya. di ko sya naintindihan. kala ko may pms lang. hindi pala. may mga ganon sitwasyon pala talagang dinadaanan ang tao.

siguro masasabi ko na nasa ganong situation ako ngayon. kanya kanyang triping lang siguro yun. kung ano mang nagtulak para maramdaman ang ganito ay tunay na kakaiba.

kaya ang masasabi ko lang...

"wag kayong ganyan ... sensitive ako!"

the uncertainty

i never thought it would be that fast. i remember, same time, last year i was reviewing for my gmat and nervously working on my application. everything was uncertain then. now, i am just a presentation away from finishing my program. but then again, the uncertainty is back. after the program, i don't know where i will be.

a classmate of mine commented on my facebook status, "reality bites, can't hide under the student umbrella no more." that's true. for the whole year, i felt secured knowing that my only worries in life were how to read all my cases; do my assignments; schedule my team meetings; when i will do my laundry; what to eat for my next meal. then it hits me. reality bites hard. i can no longer use my student status as my excuse and security blanket. i need to face the truth that i am moving on with my life. moving to the "real world;" to the next chapter in my life.

i suddenly felt afraid. i am afraid because i don't know where i will be. i have never been very adventurous with my life. as much as possible, i try to plan everything. i always have my plan a and plan b, sometimes with plan c and d. but now, i have nothing. the us economy is making it even worse. companies do not hire foreigners. what I will do after graduation is one big question that i have yet to answer.

this is the first time that i have thrown myself in the river of life. i will just let the current bring me to wherever i should be. i'll just let the supreme being bring me to where i should be. he knows it more than i do. i know things may not be easy but i will just surrender.

its spring time

it's the first time i experience spring. i never thought it's such a beauty to see things literally sprang around me. a few months ago as i walk on the side streets, i only see white because of the snow. now, i see colors.

nuninuninuninu

a friend of mine just told me that she stumbled upon my this blog while searching on google... hmmm interesting. anyway, i realized that i haven't udpated this blog for the longest time. i guess i have been really busy with all the school work that i've been doing.

i am currently on my third module and surprisingly it's so light. i only have classes on mondays, thursdays and some fridays and saturdays. i guess i better start looking for work...

anyway, i will soon add new entries. oh watch out for the spring pics that i took.

school life...

i haven't talked about my schooling in a lighter light. well, i am studying at hult international business school in cambridge massachusetts. an american institution where there is only one full-blooded american and the rest of the student body are from other countries. talking about diversity, right?

it has been a very interesting and insightful first term for me; not only i gained more knowledge about business but also i have been exposed to different way of thinking. my classmates have been very open to share all their thoughts about certain topics.

we've had our ups and downs, sleepless nights, countless readings, panic modes, exhausting team meetings but here we are still fighting a good fight!

porthos class 2009

wala lang

naranasan nyo na bang huminto sa gitna ng daan at, wala lang, tingnan lang ang paligid at pagmasdan. manghain ang sarili sa kung anong nakikita at kilitiin ang isip sa kung anon mga nangyari sa sarili na hindi inaasahan. alam mo yung mga pagkakataon na naglalakad ka sa gilid ng ayala avenue at may nakita kang magtitinda ng sigarilyo pero ang ganda ng ngiti nya. Wala lang. parang ang ganda lang tignan. yung mga bagay na walang kahulugan pero pagnakita mo ang daming pumapasok na kaisipan.

siguro kaya ko ito isinusulat dahil ganyan ang aking nararamdaman. ito yung mga panahon na pwede akong tumitig sa pader at wala lang, tumitig lang ng walang iniisip kundi ang titigan ang malapad na pader na nasa aking harapan. ito siguro yung pagkakataon na pwede akong tumingin ng malayo, at pagmasdan ang nag-iibang kulay ng mga ilaw sa kalagitnaan ng siyudad at wala lang.

ang hirap ipaliwag kung anong aking nararamdaman ngayon. para akong nakawala sa haula ng pagkaka kulong sa pag-iisip kung pano makakalabas dito ng buhay. Isang napaka gaang pkiramdam na sana ay hindi agad maglaho. alam kong lahat ay may hangganan. alam kong ang aking nararamdaman ay panandalian lamang. Ngunit habang nandidito ako sa wala lang na sitwasyon ay susulitin ko ang aking nararamdaman.

Try nyo. Ang sarap ng feeling. ;-)

My Grandmothers!

on the day i learned that i was leaving for the US within the next four days, the first thing that popped in my mind was to go back home in batangas. not because i have to get my luggages but because i have to say goodbye and ask for my lolas' blessings. they didn't know that i was working on my school application. it was only my immediate family that knew about it. that was the reason why it was kinda hard for me to see them.

my inay pitang

as soon as i reached batangas, i went straight to inay pitang's, my mom's mom, house. she was the only one in the house. i told her i am leaving the coming weekend but she wasn't really surprised since she knew that my parents have been wanting me to move back to the states. she just smiled at me and said, "buti naman makakapunta ka na dun at makakasama mo na ang mga mommy at daddy mo." i didn't know what to say. i was just smiling at her.

we had our usual talk. kwentuhan, telling her what's going to happen to me in the states. i know she was happy for me but i knew that at the back of her mind she was thinking that another member of her family is leaving. until the time came that i had to leave and say goodbye. then she left and went to her room. i didn't know why. then she came out pulling me to her side. she then got my hand and was giving me something. she said, "pagpasensyahan mo na ito wala naman ako mabibigay sayo." when i looked at my hand, i saw money. i was like, "wag na inay may bigay namang pera sina mommy." but she insisted and i got the money. i hugged her tight and went to the car. i knew that i have no definite time to see her again.

my inay anda

coming from my inay pitang's house i visited my inay anda, my dad's mom. she was all smile to see me, as usual. she was the one who always looks for me whenever i don't go home in batangas. i told her i was leaving. same as my inay pitang, she just smiled at me. i stayed for a couple of hours in her house and then i went home.

the next day, i went back to inay anda's place to officially say goodbye to her. i learned that my dad called her to check on me and if i've visited her. i was just joking the whole time; trying to make the discussion very light. the time came for me to leave. she then said, "sabi ng daddy mo yumakap na daw ako sayo kasi matagal tagal kong hindi ka makikita." then she cried. i almost cried. i held my tears back because i knew if i did cry it would be harder for me to leave. i just hugged her and said that i will be back and that i'd see her when i get back. after that, i saw my three aunties crying as well.


i miss my grandmother dearly! i just hope that they are doing ok in the philippines. i'll see you both when i get back! take good care of yourself and always pray for me.